Deep Thoughts with Greg: Elevator Guy

We all know that guy. That guy that gets into a really crowded elevator and feels the need to practice his latest stand up routine on innocent bystanders. We call this man “elevator guy”. Poor souls who are just trying to get to work are subject to the gruelingly bad jokes of elevator guy. These are often painfully unfunny jokes such as “what is this, the Broadway local?” when the elevator stops on every floor. These jokes are often made by the same guy who asks you if you “wanna dance” when you accidentally try avoiding each other in the hallway – but both move to the same side more than once.

We all know of an elevator guy. If you haven’t been personally affected, you know someone who has. So what can we do? How can we prevent this epidemic from spreading? You can start by learning the warning signs to make sure you or someone you know is not in danger of becoming an elevator guy. Here are the signs to look out for:

  1. You are on an elevator:
    Always be aware of your surroundings. Are you in a box that is going up and down between floors? Does this box have a sliding door, and multiple buttons with sequential numbers on them? Chances are you might be on an elevator. Don’t panic, try to press one of those magic buttons and get off on the next available stop. You can’t be an elevator guy if you are not in an elevator.
  2. You are a guy:
    Studies show that the biggest risk factor for being an elevator guy, is being a guy. Consult your doctor right away to find out if you are a guy. If you are, may I suggest taking the stairs.
  3. You have the uncontrollable urge to say a joke, any joke, while in an elevator.
    So how does does a guy go from a normal guy in an elevator, to the elevator guy. It’s all about the innate desire to tell jokes during those brief moments in an elevator. These urges often involve the need to make a witty remark about how full the elevator is, or that the elevator is making stops at every floor.Just don’t do it.

Know the signs, spread the word. Let’s end the elevator guy epidemic for good.

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